So I've been having a lot of trouble writing a new blog post. I've been up to so much and it's all been a blur. I've written the beginnings of a couple of different posts and they all sucked so I erased them. As I was telling someone today (I'm not going to use names because that just feels weird) it is impossible for me to get across what's been happening in words. Sure, I can very easily tell you what I've been doing - today I went on a tour of a former slave lodge led by one of the most alternately amazing and frustrating people I've ever met; after this I had lunch with said person and had an interesting conversation with her; then I went to the American Consulate here. I know their goal is to make Americans feel safe abroad but after that meeting I never felt more alone. Something was so impersonal to me, so industrial. I left the consulate leaving very uneasy (it also happened to be a massive waste of time). This afternoon I had a community meeting where we planned the meal we're hosting tomorrow. Tonight we to a jazz club called the Blue Chip. It could have very well been the turning point for the trip. We were all sitting at dinner and being our typical loud but tentative/nervous selves and then all of a sudden a friend of mine on the trip and I locked eyes and went to the dance floor. Before I knew it all 23 of our group, plus one of our professors, were on the dance floor. Dancing, sweating, bad singing/yelling we finally had a moment together where it seems like we all clicked at the same time (this isn't to say that the last 6 days haven't been fun, they have, but the energy was palpable). Eventually the band broke out into "Stand by Me," Nirvana happened and that extremely rare bond between audience and artist was formed for however brief a moment. This is the day in a nutshell but this isn't what happened, that, I can't explain.
I'm learning about myself these days, learning mostly about what I'm not. I can tell you one thing, I am NOT funny in the least. I live in a house with 15 future stand up comedians. It's boarder line intimidating (actually it is intimidating but I think instead of writing about it on my blog I should nut up and just get over it). Right now I guess I'm just struggling to fit in (aren't we all). I have the constant fear that I simply will not be accepted, that I will be an outcast. This is making me ask myself a very important question, how important is it for me to fit? I guess I'm trying to tell myself that I could give a shit when I know deep down that it is important, it's what makes us human. I am hoping to start writing fiction again, I was inspired by a conversation I had with a fellow trip mate. I just miss creating worlds and characters and having the control that I crave so much and I haven't been able to realize. I'm hoping writing will become cathartic as I need catharsis and peace more than anything right now. I'm also hoping that I find the courage to actually share some of it this time around and post it on the blog, so all 5 or so of you reading this can read it and hopefully let me know what you think, honestly. Anyways my thoughts are fractured right now. I hope the post wasn't too heavy, I'm trying to be as real as I can. I really do love it here, there is something very special about this city. I'm off to bed. As always comment, laugh, share and such.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
First Blog Post Ever
So I decided to do a blog so that anyone who is interested can follow my adventures in South Africa. This can definitely go one or two ways. Either I'll barely ever blog or it will turn into my incessant, barely comprehensible rambling about stuff no one but me cares about. I'll try my best to avoid both of those things, no promises though. On a different note, the name "Counter Clockwise" was decided on while I was talking to my family about some of the big changes I will have to adapt to in South Africa. One of the biggest among those is the toilets are going to flush in the other direction. I'm not sure how I'm going to react but it will probably involve me falling backwards then sitting down with that panting horrified look on my face (you know the one). I may have to take the day to recover. Any ways this is heading into that incessant rambling direction so I'll move on to something else.
The past couple of days have been filled with mixed emotions for me. Yesterday I had a family going away party and it was just an odd feeling saying goodbye. It was also just a nice reminder of how lucky I feel to be a part of the family that I am and to come from where I've come from; I wouldn't trade it for anything. Aside from all the people I will miss, and there will be many, I think I'm going to miss those seemingly innocuous small things the most. I'll miss the UConn wind and how it wakes me up every morning no matter how little sleep I got the night before. I'll miss running through West Hartford Center. Hell I just miss West Hartford Center, the ability to go to Grants or Bricco (even though I hardly go there and I definitely can't afford it). I'll even miss Homer and that terrified feeling that you get whenever you sit in Arjona for a class, "Oh my God! Did the building just creak? Shit, I think this is it, the building is going down."
While I will miss a lot, with only 4 days to go I am beyond excited. Friday really can't come soon enough. As of now I haven't started packing yet, I hate packing, but I think the process is going to start tomorrow. These days I've been thinking so much about what I am going to do when I get to Cape Town. I'm so excited to bungee jump, surf, watch some rugby (who knows maybe I'll even play some rugby, watch out Cape Town here comes 165 pounds of fury), and really just experience the city. I also decided the other day that I was gong to learn how to box while I'm there, even though it has nothing to do with Cape Town. This came after watching "The Fighter," I was just so damn inspired. I have already found what appears to be the perfect boxing gym for me, I just hope they're ready for me (I can see my first day going like so: 1. Walk in with this cocky look on my face. 2. Be boarderline impressive for a first timer in the drills and training. 3. Get my ass handed to me when I spar against someone. 4. Walk out with the Manning Face (If you're not sure what this is check the link). 5. Go back to the house and ice my entire body).
Anyways it's getting late and it's time for me to watch a movie and hit the sack. I'll end the blog post with a link. I was listening to this song while I was writing this and I have to say, it is the sexiest song I've ever heard. You guys tell me what you think but holy hell (I'm trying to keep the blog PG because of some young eyes that may be reading so this is as far as I go). You guys tell me what you think of the song and if you've got a sexier one by all means send it this way. Massive Attack-Paradise Circus.
Ps. I apologize for any spelling errors, it was never my strong suit and still isn't.
Pps. Comment away, I'll try to get back to all of them.
The past couple of days have been filled with mixed emotions for me. Yesterday I had a family going away party and it was just an odd feeling saying goodbye. It was also just a nice reminder of how lucky I feel to be a part of the family that I am and to come from where I've come from; I wouldn't trade it for anything. Aside from all the people I will miss, and there will be many, I think I'm going to miss those seemingly innocuous small things the most. I'll miss the UConn wind and how it wakes me up every morning no matter how little sleep I got the night before. I'll miss running through West Hartford Center. Hell I just miss West Hartford Center, the ability to go to Grants or Bricco (even though I hardly go there and I definitely can't afford it). I'll even miss Homer and that terrified feeling that you get whenever you sit in Arjona for a class, "Oh my God! Did the building just creak? Shit, I think this is it, the building is going down."
While I will miss a lot, with only 4 days to go I am beyond excited. Friday really can't come soon enough. As of now I haven't started packing yet, I hate packing, but I think the process is going to start tomorrow. These days I've been thinking so much about what I am going to do when I get to Cape Town. I'm so excited to bungee jump, surf, watch some rugby (who knows maybe I'll even play some rugby, watch out Cape Town here comes 165 pounds of fury), and really just experience the city. I also decided the other day that I was gong to learn how to box while I'm there, even though it has nothing to do with Cape Town. This came after watching "The Fighter," I was just so damn inspired. I have already found what appears to be the perfect boxing gym for me, I just hope they're ready for me (I can see my first day going like so: 1. Walk in with this cocky look on my face. 2. Be boarderline impressive for a first timer in the drills and training. 3. Get my ass handed to me when I spar against someone. 4. Walk out with the Manning Face (If you're not sure what this is check the link). 5. Go back to the house and ice my entire body).
Anyways it's getting late and it's time for me to watch a movie and hit the sack. I'll end the blog post with a link. I was listening to this song while I was writing this and I have to say, it is the sexiest song I've ever heard. You guys tell me what you think but holy hell (I'm trying to keep the blog PG because of some young eyes that may be reading so this is as far as I go). You guys tell me what you think of the song and if you've got a sexier one by all means send it this way. Massive Attack-Paradise Circus.
Ps. I apologize for any spelling errors, it was never my strong suit and still isn't.
Pps. Comment away, I'll try to get back to all of them.
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